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What Does the Bible Say About..Homosexual Feelings?

Ordinarily I would not post this question and answer because it repeats much of what I have previously written, and because it is very personal. However, I am posting it because the questioner refused to give an e-mail address for my reply, and said he would look for the answer on this site.

I am a homosexual but have never lived the "gay" lifestyle. Like some of your questioners, I have known I was different since Kindergarten. To reiterate what others have already said, I did not make a choice to be attracted to other males. I did not even know what sex was until the education class in 9th grade. I grew up in a Baptist church and consciously accepted Christ at the age of 14. Though the pulpit railed against homosexuality, I did not even put two and two together and realize they were talking about me until I was in college! For quite some time I prayed fervently believing that I would be a new being after I was buried and raised again with Christ in baptism. I was (and still am) utterly disappointed and crushed that I was still lifted a homosexual. That was over 20 years ago. Since then, I have remained celibate, never lived an openly homosexual lifestyle. But I guess the thought has crossed many of my friends' minds since I never had a girlfriend and rarely went out on dates. Though I do not believe I have sinned by having sex with another man, I have never been truly happy or felt fulfilled or realized the "wonderful joy" of being saved. I am often depressed because I cannot enjoy the blessings of a family life and really have no future to look forward except loneliness as I grow old. I always feel like I'm on the outside of God's will and blessings because of this thorn in my side of attraction to other men. (You can only imagine the tricks and efforts I've tried for over 20 years to purge the urge. I'm even looking a little bit forward to getting older in the hopes that the sexual desires will lessen.) I also have ruled out going to support groups because I was a leader and quite active in my church, serving in many different capacities. Just last year I stopped serving because of the growing guilt I felt acting like such a hypocrite. I also do not want to embarrass my brothers who are deacons and leaders of the church.


If you have read some of my other answers (see links below), you know that I contend that the Bible does not condemn your feelings, but only acting on them by engaging in homosexual acts with another person. If you have never done so you may be defined as a homosexual by modern usage but not by biblical usage.

“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor men who sleep with other men, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-11) Paul says these people had been forgiven of their past sins. I would guess that none of them immediately lost their former desires when they came up from the water. The covetous still had to fight covetousness. I know the drunkards did not automatically become sober and lose all desire for alcohol just because they had been baptized. In like manner, I doubt that those who had engaged in homosexual acts lost the desire right away. I’m not sure they ever lost the desire, but I do know that they realized the “wonderful joy” of being saved. Even Peter at times reverted to his old ways of thinking or acting (Galatians 2:11-21)

Paul apparently remained unmarried (or, according to some, unremarried) until his death. I find it difficult to believe that he never had desires, but he managed them. We tend to elevate him as if he were immune to the things the rest of us must endure, but he was a man like we are. Thus he is an example of what can be done and what can be borne. There are, no doubt, many men who have lived alone without giving in to their desires, whether for men or women. You have apparently done so for a longer time than many could or do. I am not saying it is easy, but it is possible.

I don’t know how much I may help you. I am not a qualified counselor. All I can do is tell you what the Bible says. And that, basically, is that a man is a homosexual, from the Bible’s viewpoint, if he has committed a homosexual act with another, not if he has thoughts and desires unacted upon.